Before You Blame Me, Love Me

‘Wanna meet you, can you please make it come over my place at 8.’ Avi’s Facebook message popped up on my screen. I jumped with excitement right outside the class and replied back, ‘will sure reach on time.’

Yeah, I replied back, even after knowing that he ignored me for almost two months. Before he ever ignored me, we were in a relationship for two years, after Avi’s graduation, he moved hundreds mile away for his further studies and I left at college without him, eagerly waiting for my graduation to complete, so that I can join him. But as soon time started passing without him, I became desperate to see him, touch him, even smelling him can calm me but instead of that, he started leaving my messages unread, he didn’t receive my phone calls, even when I make plans to meet, he declined every time, for straight two months. But that’s not all; one day he messaged me saying that he needs time. I didn’t ask him back why he needs time but yeah, after that I didn’t bother him at all.

‘But you shared your flight ticket back to home on the story?’ I asked him through Facebook.

‘Flight is delayed for hours, I just got the notification, you can come over.’ Avi’s Facebook message said. As soon he gave me the green signal, I run to the hostel and packed my stuff.

The clock was hitting 4:30 of the evening, when I get permission for leave from college. I calculated the duration and assumed 3 hours is enough to reach Avi’s city and from the bus stop to Avi’s room, it will take 10 minutes by cab. I exhale a long breath as I was sure I will reach on time. As soon bus started, I dialed his number but he didn’t receive, I tried again and still, he left me unanswered. I get annoyed a bit and then I messaged him on Facebook informing, I departed. Due to college stress, I fall asleep in the bus.

When I wake up, I already had reached the city earlier than expected time. I was tired due to travelling and at the same time excited enough that, I forgot to call him before booking a cab. The cab driver offered me water as he saw my sleepy face. I was dialing his number and in response, I left unanswered. I was getting irritated but I knew, once I will see him, I will be happiest more than irritated. I paid the cab driver at the gate and run toward the building. Last time when I was here everything was different, in two months most of the wall got painted with fresh colors. I was noticing everything, as well as walking fast toward the lift. I pressed the lift button and dialed Avi, he didn’t answer again. Gate of the lift opened in front of me and I entered in while redialing him. I pressed the 6th-floor button and slowly lift started going upward. My phone was still on my ears when he finally answered my call.

‘Hello Avi, where were you? I reached your building.’ I was screaming on the phone.

‘What… you are…’ Avi’s voice was intermittently difficult to understand due to the network issue.

As soon lift opened on the sixth floor, I reached his door and with a long breath, I knocked.

As soon the door opened, I was about to hug him but, he didn’t open the door. A girl opened the door, she seems familiar

‘Hey Roohi, finally we met.’ The girl hugged me like she knew me already.

As soon she let me enter in, after hugging me, I asked.

‘Where is Avi? And I am sorry I didn’t recognize you.’ I said and still looking around to find Avi.

‘Didn’t he ever tell you about me? I wonder because we were a really good friend since he started he is here.’ She informed and I made face like Girl I still don’t recognize you.

‘Ok fine, my name is Ritika.’ She completed saying and I remember Avi informed about her.

‘I remember, Avi told me once about you. But where is he right now?’ I asked her again but instead answering me, she falls on the bed and asked me to sit.

‘Can I use the washroom for a moment?’ I said instead of fulfilling her order.

‘Yeah sure, why not.’ She said and unlocked her phone.

As soon I locked the door, I text Avi saying

‘Where are you Avi? I traveled kilometers just because you asked me to come. Now you left Ritika for welcoming me.’ 07:10 PM.

I washed my face after that and get out of the bathroom. I asked for a towel and she gave me one, which was not Avi’s towel at all. I took off my jacket and get settled on a chair. Ritika was still on his phone when I checked mine; there was a text from Avi saying

‘I didn’t know what are you talking about? Why are you at my place? I didn’t ask you to come over and why the hell Ritika is in your room?’ 07:13 PM.

I read his text twice and when I was reading it for the third time, Avi called me and I answered in seconds.

‘Hello Avi?’

‘Roohi, put the phone on speaker.’ He said quite aggressively.

‘Yeah fine.’ I said putting the phone on speaker.

‘Hello Ritika, if you are listening then get your ass out of my room, right now. And Roohi, please do not believe her, she is lying ok. I just checked my Facebook and saw our chats, it was not me, it was her plan.’ Avi screams over the phone call and I felt cheated. Yeah cheated, not because Ritika was in Avi’s room, not because it was all Ritika’s plan. I felt cheated because all the time, Avi didn’t just ignore me but he was hiding things from me, he still is.

‘Avi, I am leaving. Whatever you guys are up to, I don’t want to know at all.’ I said and disconnected the call with tears and anger on my eyes. I looked at her last time and picked my hand bag, I was about to leave when Ritika said

‘Don’t you want to know the truth.’ She said on my back.

I opened the door, stand outside and said

‘Even if you tell me the truth, believe me, I won’t believe you. It’s not about, what both of you hiding. It’s about whom I believe the most, and that’s not you, at least not now.’ I said and shut the door on her face.

I walked to the lift and pressed the button, I didn’t look back cause I heard a door opened and then footstep approached toward me and I entered in lift and in between closing door of lift, I saw Ritika going upstairs to the terrace. I reached the ground floor and saw another text popped up, it was from Avi. The mood I had that time restricted me, not to open it. With a tightened fist, I was stopping myself from crying and in next moment Avi called. That phone call was the thing I expected always, but now, it meant nothing. I wanted to teach myself a lesson, so I decided to keep looking at the screen but won’t answer till it ended. I felt tears were struggling to come out but I was in no mood to cry, but the exact moment, his call disconnected, a drop fall on my phone’s screen. I broke right there, I fell on my knees and started crying, expecting Avi to run toward me and pick me up. Next moment I yelled myself for expecting such. With my nails, I started scratching the concrete floor, just to punish myself and let the inner pain go away. I didn’t know, it was the right way or not, but for me punishing myself was the only option I had.

All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I screamed.

‘Do not touch me.’

It was neither Avi nor Ritika, an unknown lady, and some people were around me. I looked at them and with my bloody hand, I wiped my tears. I got up, picked my bag and phone, then started walking toward building the gate. I had no idea, where I will go. I took few steps then I heard something unusual, like something heavy fall on the floor. As soon as I turned, some ladies screamed and I saw shocked people. I didn’t able to see what is happening, so I walked back to the crowd. There were lesser people, as soon it comes to my visibility, I vomited. She was Ritika, fallen from the terrace. Beside her there was a broken bottle of alcohol, she was drunk and might be slipped, or it might be suicide.

I reached the hospital with Ritika and some other people from society. Doctors informed that her head and upper portion of the body is safe but both her legs are badly injured; she might not able to walk in her whole life. I felt terrified and asked Avi to reach hospital. I told him everything on the phone call and he said he will be there with someone, who can explain to me, everything.

I sat and dialed some of my close friends to share the incident so that I feel lighter. Some of them told me to come back, some told me to stay till Avi arrives. But I already made up my mind, I had to know, what is the reason behind all these. Why Ritika called me here? Why Avi ignoring me? Will I ever look at Avi with the same way, the loving way?

After seeing what Ritika did to herself, Avi had lot to answer and I had no patience to wait for more. After half an hour later, Avi appeared. I didn’t know what happened to me, I was angry at him; I didn’t want to believe him anymore. I didn’t know whether he actually is responsible for Ritika’s condition or not, but yeah, he sure is a part of it. Even after knowing all these, I hugged him, tightly. The soft Roohi inside me, who always loved Avi, come out, as soon he came back.

‘Hey, Roohi.’ Avi said after I left him, he was looking tired and terrified.

‘Better you go and check your friend’s condition. This is not a time to unwrap all the secrets you kept hidden from me. Right now, you better go inside and see yourself, what you have done to her.’ I said so rapidly that he got no chance to say, even after I was completed.

He walked toward the doctor, firstly Avi introduced doctor with Ritika’s brother and then doctor come up with some documents where Ritika’s brother signed. Avi excused himself and walk toward me.

‘Roohi, I really love you. You know that and I can make you believe in that, again. This is not exactly what it looks like. Believe me Roohi, I…’ Avi was saying something and I cut him off.

‘Stop right there Avi, do not try to fool me. Do not ask me to believe you. If Ritika had something to tell about, they why you said, she will lie. That exact line broke her; otherwise, she could’ve told me everything, which might make you lose me and that scared you.’ I said looking into his eyes.

‘So you believe, I’m scared of losing you?’ Avi said and a drop of tear approached his eye lead. He gently holds my both hand and kissed on them with eyes closed. As soon his eyes closed, tear dropped on our hand. I felt the warm tear rolling through his hands to mine to his.

I make him sit beside me and he spoke up.

‘Ritika, his boyfriend Roy and I were best friends. Everything was going good, we were happy together, we used to spend the whole day and I didn’t felt I’m getting ignored in between a couple. And one day, Roy came to my place drunk and beaten. I tried asking him what happened but he didn’t speak up neither he let me inform Ritika about that incident. I kept quiet but after that day Roy changed a lot, he started drinking day after day and ignoring Ritika becomes a habit as well.

Many time, I told him to talk to Ritika. I even tried to stay emotionally close, so that he speaks up the disaster inside him. But I failed.’ Avi stopped and hold his head with both hands like he was collecting courage to go ahead.

‘What happened next?’ I asked.

‘Believe me Roohi, it was all Roy’s fault. He has maintained physic and he goes to the gym as well.’ Avi said and scared to speak up.

‘So what Avi?’ I asked calmly.

‘I didn’t able to stop him, I tried hard but I couldn’t stop him.’ Avi said and burst out like a child. I never saw him like this but I feel, Ritika is not the only victim.

‘Should I join?’ Ritika’s brother stood beside us. I looked at Avi and he nodded.

‘Roohi, whatever I am going to tell you, is not easy to believe and it might change the way you look at Avi. So you have to accept, the truth that I’m going to tell you.’ Ritika’s brother said and I nodded.

‘My name is Ravi. I live nearby. I knew about the relation of Ritika and Roy, I accepted it happily. But the exact thing, Avi is not able to say, is that Roy raped Avi. The day he got bitten, he was drunk and tried to get physical with a guy at pub, they beat Roy up then he reaches Avi. The way Avi took care of Roy, the way Avi stayed close with Roy. Roy assumed it as love, he tried breaking up with Ritika and at the same time he tried to speak his truth up to Avi as well, but he couldn’t.

Roy was scared to accept that he is gay but the day, he couldn’t bear it in mind anymore, it blasted and he raped Avi, he hurt him badly and Avi ran away informing Ritika about everything. The way Ritika loved Roy, it was hard for her as well, to accept, that her boyfriend is gay and she started blaming Avi for everything. Believe me Roohi, Avi loves you the most. You are angry because some incident affected your relation but Avi never let you suffer the way, he suffered. I should leave you guys alone now.’ Ravi said and left.

Avi wasn’t crying now but his tears didn’t stop either. I hugged him, I felt sorry for blaming him.

‘Avi, I am really sorry babe. I’m really very sorry. The day you said you need time; I believed that you will come back, I believed that you cannot cheat on me; I always believe that you loved me. I’m sorry I misjudged you, my love. I love you too Avi.’ I said with a teary eye.

‘I love you Roohi.’