Just Like The Person I Once Called My Best Friend.

I feel a void in my chest,

As if someone has ripped my heart out and thrown it away from my reach.

Instead of trying to grab onto it, my hand extends toward a person that I thought would save me,

Whenever and wherever I needed to be saved.

The empty feeling that has caused me to breathe deeply, trying to catch the breath I’ve lost,

Just like the person I once called my best friend.

The empty feeling that has caused my chest to feel heavy,

Just like his words that are weighing down on my feet, making them immovable.

It’s like a dream paralysis where I’m living my worst nightmare that has come true.

I try to speak but no words come out, only tears that blur my vision of him walking away.

My hand returns to my side, unlike him, who doesn’t look back once.

I’m glad he didn’t, but I hoped he did.

How was I supposed to know anything when everything between us was normal?

How was I supposed to know that impulsive decisions would make more sense to him than our friendship?

No matter how much I try to hate him, I know his words were never false.

I know he valued me as much as I still value him,

But all good things come to an end.

I thought we were the best when we were next to each other,

I was wrong.

He wasn’t his best when he was next to me, I never realized or I would have helped him.

I don’t know how but I would have not left him alone…

“I had to choose between you or the path that I want to walk upon,”

Needless to say, he didn’t think we could walk on one path together.

My only escape from my thoughts, my family, from this world has escaped without thinking twice.

According to him, he did think more than once, according to me, he didn’t.

Because if he did, I know this wouldn’t have been as easy for him as he made it seem just moments ago.

Was he pretending moments ago or when we made all those promises that we would not let anything come between us?

Never did I ever think that I’d feel so pathetic for a person,

I wasn’t supposed to feel like this because I knew I was trusting someone who loved me…

My trust has let me down.

I would never trust someone this much but he made it easy, he made it natural.

What’s left of him are all the good traits I acquired from him,

Because I didn’t use to be as nice as him, so he made me, it was natural for him.

He saved me but I couldn’t save him.

I was too blind to see the reality he was living in, thinking that what we had was enough to make us both feel alive.

But only I seemed to be living in a lie.

It’s easier to hate myself than hate him, so I will do just that.

I would never love a friend like I loved him ever again,

It’s easier to go back to the shell he brought me out of,

Than to face this world alone.

How can I when I’ve gotten so used to his presence next to me?

Even if I do get used to his absence, I’ll never be able to make peace with the fact that he’s living,

Just not next to me, that he thought he’d be happier when I’m not around.

I feel a void in my chest,

I feel my heart beating, trying to keep me alive.

Does it not know that I’ve lost the will to live?

 Just like the person I once called my friend?