My First Love

Love…. Oh this word, was always on my mind…. Since a very long time. From the time I understood that love is a beautiful bond between couples, I longed to be a part of it. 

Once you enter college you often hear the initial phase of love, "I have a crush on him". As crush is an initial phase, then comes 'like' and finally 'love'.

I was always observing couples who were in love and then, would follow my fantasy. I would be overwhelmed when I would see a boy cuddling his girlfriend, trying everything to make her happy. Seeing them I would close my eyes and just wish unto God to bless me with such a life partner. Ya, life partner cause I wanted a permanent relationship, not a temporary one for sure.

As it is said not everyone is lucky to find love so easily and so was my case. College life passed by only admiring couples who never let their relationship break. Some even got married as soon as they completed their bachelor's degree. And here I was alone as ever without my better half. I would even look at the sky and ask God, "God have you really made someone for me?" Then I would say how stupid I am, obviously, God has a special person for me as I know he loves me the most. I have always believed in God, and respected every religion, no matter the hurdles I have faced.

Soon as I finished my bachelor's degree, I took up a Master's degree and I got so busy that I hardly had time to think about myself. Thank God those two years passed by very fast. Finally, I completed my studies and as the next thing that should follow was searching for a job.

 

I had no idea where to apply, what to do. But it was destiny that took me to a place where I found someone. Someone handsome, love at first sight…… But I was not sure if he would love me. I was a simple girl, not a modern girl wearing heavy makeup. So I was not sure if he would prefer a girl like me.

Days passed by and slowly I got an opportunity to interact with him. Everytime I would see him I got more conscious. Slowly I realised that he too was interested in me. Touchwood, my happiness knew no bounds. The first time we spoke to each other a chill went down my spine. At a moment I thought I was dreaming. I could not feel the ground beneath my feet. I felt as if I was in seventh heaven, a radiant in my eyes, a bell of joy, a blush of love…. so many things at one go.

I wanted to jump with joy, scream out and say that I found my love, my better half, the chosen one…. meant for me. The first time he looked into my eyes, I saw the love he had for me. I was just waiting for him to propose to me, wanted to hear those three magical words.

My luck was on my side and he didn't take much time to propose to me. Oh, I just can't forget that precious moment when we stood along the sea shore and he held my hand in his. He looked straight into my eyes and I felt like I would literally seep in. He slowly uttered those three words, "I love you". My heart skipped a beat, I was almost numb. My first experience of love, my boyfriend, the one whom I could introduce to my friends as my yet to be life partner, had finally proposed to me.

Slowly we started bonding into a strong relationship. We started discussing certain things that needed to be discussed, cause we both wanted our love to last forever. There were things here and there which we didn't know how they might work, but as we all believe in - where there is a will, there is a way...

Days and months just flew by, and both of us were going very strong. What I wanted from a lover, I got more than I ever thought of.

Our first valentine's day was heading. As I expected, he had planned a special surprise for me. He kept asking me things here and there, just to know my likes and dislikes.

He said he has a suprise, so I thought he would take me out for a movie or lunch. I had his gift ready for him, but I didn't know how much he would like it as it was the first time I had ever purchased a gift for a lover in life. A simple and meaningful gift I had bought for him.

The most awaited day arrived. Oh God, I just can't believe today is the day, my most awaited day. Whole night I could not sleep, just kept turning from one side to another. I just could not stop imaging how I would spend the day with him.

I got ready, but this time I was very much interested in looking my very best. I wanted him to look at me and get mesmerized. I wanted to look like a princess as I was going to meet my prince and this time it wasn't a dream but reality.

I left from home and reached the scheduled place, well before the said time. I didn't want to get late on my Valentine's day. Even those 10 minutes left for the scheduled time seemed as if I had to wait for hours.

Finally, he came and I sat on his bike and he started riding. I didn't know where he was taking me, nor did I ask him. I was just waiting for his surprise.

He stopped on the way and removed red roses from his bag, kissed on my forehead and gave me those beautiful red roses and said, "I love you Shana". I took the roses and replied, "I love you too". He then held my hand in his and smiled while saying, "This is just the beginning. Wait and watch". 

We went ahead and then he took up an inner road, towards a beach. I guess, he is taking me for lunch by the sea shore. We reached and I got down from the bike. He told me to wait till he parked his bike.

He returned and we started walking towards a restaurant. As we entered I could see some people looking at us and smiling. I got nervous. I clutched his hand tight, he looked at me and smiled. Then I saw a familiar face, it's his friend who was working with us. He walked towards us and said "Suprise..." The people who looked at us actually stood up and said that we both made a beautiful couple. I was shocked, they were his cousins and close family members. This was indeed a big suprise. Who will dare to introduce you to family members on your first Valentine's day. And if he has done it, it simply means that he is very serious about you.

That's the day I will never forget. The way they pampered me, the beautiful lunch treat cannot be expressed by mere words. After lunch we excused ourselves and walked towards the beach. We exchanged our gifts. Both of us were happy with the gift we received.

Days passed, months flew. Slowly he spoke to his parents about me and they came to meet my family. Everything was fine except for his dream to go abroad, to earn more. I was not very happy as I didn't want to settle abroad. I didn't mind going to visit different places, but settling in abroad was a big No...

We shared good times together. I remember walking along the shore with him, seeing the sunset. At times we went out for a drive. We tasted different food stuff. It was a beautiful experience. Because of him, I visited places I had never seen before. I tasted new food stuff and felt how come I never tried it before. I developed interest in gadgets. I even tried to ride a geared bike.

At times it seemed like a dream, and I knew that dreams don't last forever. I was scared at times, scared that we may break off. After worrying and panicking, I would say unto my self, "think positive and keep negative thoughts at bay."

I knew l am lucky to have a loving boyfriend, but along with him his parents also loved me a lot. They used to treat me like their own child. I was addressed as a daughter.

I was not happy with the job prospect and thought of going for further studies. So I took up admission in a professional college. Soon I got busy with my studies and he started feeling that I am ignoring him. I was seriously busy with my exams, assignments, classes, projects etc. And he felt I was giving excuses and ignoring him.

Sometimes men are really difficult to handle. He had started with his documentation work to go abroad. He took up a part-time job. Now we both were at two extreme ends, slowly I started feeling fed-up of his complaints. Finally one day I told him to let me concentrate on my studies, till then he could also concentrate and fulfill his dream of going abroad.

I thought he understood what I wanted to say, but it wasn't so. Never in my dream did I think that someone else would enter his life. I had asked him for space and he actually got close to someone else. I don't know if I should blame myself or him. I tried to speak to him and he was ready to get back but that girl somehow emotionally got over him. I lost him. I lost the love of my life. It is said that a girl is someone else's biggest enemy. Or one girl can spoil another girl's future. So was the case with me. I felt like cursing her. But I knew, someday he would realise the difference between her and me. 

She took him away from me, but she can never take him out of my mind. He resides in my heart, but I know I can't get him back. I don't want someone else to go through the pain I have been through. I know he has moved on. And I wish him the best in life. Wherever he is, may he be happy. May his family complete. May his parents be happy. This is all I wish, from my heart.

I know that if he was the one meant for me then he would never go. I could have forced him to come to me, as I had the right over him. But, but I know he would not be happy. So, I let him go. I let him move on. As I truly loved him, I let him go. If he turned back then I could say he is mine. But he didn't turn. I waited. He didn't turn. I waited, and waited…. Finally I gave up. Don't ask how many tears I shed. How many deaths I faced. I lost my love, my first love. I lost my first love, forever…. Forever…. And ever.... Never shall it return back. It hurts a lot, and I don't want to live in darkness. But this darkness will remain forever. My love is lost... My first love....